Alfa Romeo Giulietta Review

"Speedmonkey" (Speedmonkey)
10/21/2013 at 11:00 • Filed to: Alfa Romeo

It's very easy to offend people when you write about things on a regular basis. Some groups are more sensitive to criticism than others.

Take cyclists for example. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! that I spent a lovely summer's evening driving a Jaguar XF, but that it was partly spoiled by road racing cyclists. I said they were in my way and were very grumpy. This kicked off some kind of war on Twitter and in the comments section of the article between motorists and cyclists, and those who were both. Opinions on both sides were extreme.

Another touchy group are Alfa Romeo owners, or ex-owners, or even people who quite like Alfas and talk about buying one one day if they can afford the breakdown service annual subscription.

Oh dear. Sorry Alfistis. Let's crack on with the review. I'll try and tread carefully.

I find Giulietta impossible to spell without getting it wrong at least once. It's a pretty sounding name, but is infuriating to type repeatedly.

The Alfa Guilietta Giuletta Giulietta is also a pretty looking car, for a Golf-sized hatchback. It has that Alfa grille which makes it look continuously surprised, on a lovely sculpted nose with the number plate set stubbornly resolutely to one side.

The flanks look fine, with little creases over the wheels, and the profile is much more coupé-like than its competitors. It's a 5-door with the rear doors hidden in the shape, with handles in the C-pillars.

The rear end is well brought together and features Alfa's classic lights, which Jaguar may or may not have pinched for the F-Type. The name, Guillietta Giulietta, is displayed in an italic font and finishes the car off nicely. It is perhaps the best looking hatchback on the market.

Then we step inside, and into a time-warp from 1998.

The Alfa Giulietta costs Ł23,675. Its interior is only slightly better than that in an MG3, which costs Ł9,999.

There is no touch screen. Instead you get a radio/CD screen with red digital lettering. The buttons feel flimsy. Underneath the radio is a row of switches who's design and manufacture seems to have been outsourced to Fisher Price.

Under those are the climate control dials with more red digital lettering and more flimsiness.

The actual design and layout of the dash isn't so bad, it's just been rendered in cheap feeling materials. A slab of aluminium across the car should look fantastic but instead looks like it might be high grade plastic - yet it is aluminium.

The steering wheel is set at an odd angle so the top is too far away and the bottom too close to you. The gear stick is too far from your left hand. The hazard warning button is so close to the air vent you would occasionally press it whilst adjusting the vent.

The pedal arrangement is bizarre. The brake normally sits higher than the throttle so you can come off brake and straight onto throttle. In the Giulietta all the pedals are on the same level. Push the brake and you have to pull your leg back up and on to the accelerator. There is no room to the left of the clutch so your foot has nowhere to rest when not in use and it snags when you move it to depress the clutch pedal.

The seats have little lumbar support and make it feel like you are sitting on a bench.

Let's go for a drive and see if Alfa have imbued some magic into the driving experience.

Unfortunately not. The steering is comical. It wants to centre all the time and resists being turned in either direction. When you do manage to steer the Giulietta understeers and you roll out of the unsupportive seat.

The ride manages to achieve the incredible feat of being quite soft and harsh. It transfers all the lumps and bumps of the road surface into the car. Take a corner and, as well as understeering, it rolls badly.

The engine has a decent amount of poke but sounds thrashy, which becomes tiresome. Come out of a corner and floor the throttle and it torque steers a lot.

To drive the Giulietta is not fun. It is wearing on your body and on your spirit. Alfas are not meant to be like this. They are meant to be passionate and quirky, not tiresome and terrible.

The Man From Alfa told me about a mythical lever just in front of the gearstick. Alfa calls it D.N.A. which stand for Dynamic, Natural and All-weather.

I was told to select Dynamic and it would transform the car. This is what Alfa says:

"Move the selector up to Dynamic position and the car performs exactly as you expect from the sporting spirit of any Alfa Romeo: the engine response is immediate; delivery is substantial due to the overboost, while the Electronic Q2 differential allows corners to be taken in complete safety with impeccable control."

I selected D and the ride just got worse, whilst understeer was slightly reduced. I didn't detect any change in the engine, although it is quoted as having 170 lb ft of torque in N and 184 lb ft of torque in D.

I finished the drive thoroughly deflated. I'd heard a lot about Alfa Romeos but had yet to drive one; and was genuinely expecting a fantastic car. Alfistis are so passionate about Alfas I was really looking forward to driving the Giulietta in order to experience the sheer devotion to the brand myself.

But instead I felt conned. The Alfa Giulietta is a terrible car with no redeeming features, except its beauty.

The interior is poorly laid out and poorly rendered. The ride is dreadful and the handling woeful. Some aspects of it's design are downright belligerent.

The !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! costs the same and is better in every conceivable way, but in more dowdy clothing.

If you are a fan of the Alfa brand do not drive a Giulietta. You will be gutted, as was I.

Specs: Price Ł23,675, engine 1.4 litre 4-cylinder turbo petrol, 170bhp, 184 lb ft of torque, 6-speed manual gearbox, 0-60mph in 7.8 seconds, 48.7mpg, 134 g/km of CO2, weight 1290kg

DISCUSSION (79)

BJ > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 11:16

The interior controls don't look too bad, but I agree that putting the hazard button between the vent controls like that is a bad idea. And hey, don't knock Fisher Price - they make some sturdy toys!

Also, this made me laugh:

When you do manage to steer the Giulietta understeers and you roll out of the unsupportive seat .

Passion! Soul! Alfa Romeo!

monsterajr1 > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:19

The only way to find a proper dead pedal is to be driving on the left side of the car... Too bad the car doesn't drive as good as it looks. It's not like Alfa hasn't done this before but usually they make the car drive better than it looks.

Monsterajr > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:20

meccapanzer > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:21

Based on your review it sounds like they forgot how to make cars.

Leo > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:27

Why is Alfa and Lancia making these horrible cars? Why arent they doing the Lotus thing?

ghost650 > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:28

I'lll take one with the Dodge Dart interior please, thanks.

ghost650 > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:29

I'lll take one with the Dodge Dart interior please, thanks.

Garland - Last Top Comment on Splinter > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:39

Seems a waste to use the Giulietta name on it, but at least it looks decent and has a stick.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > meccapanzer
10/21/2013 at 13:49

You imply that alfa romeo knew how to make cars at one point. They don't make cars, they make art sculptures you can legally drive.

Lucid0ne > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:52

Sounds like they slapped the Alfa name and exterior design on a PT Cruiser.

sacco > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:56

Kinja'd!!!

Then there's the late 1970s one (which was made while Alfa was still partly owned by the government and not by FIAT like now), which is a 4dr sedan and has quite a lot of reliability issues. But at least it was RWD. And a proper 1970s/1980s Alfa, made by lazy workers. This one isn't liked by everybody, because of what i've written and also because of the boxy design (not everyone cup of tea: i, for instance, like it).

Kinja'd!!!

sacco > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 13:57

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfa_Rome…

sacco > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:00

Alfa now makes 3 cars: the 4C, which could turn out to be awesome (at least it's what people expects), the MiTo, which is a FIAT Punto in a cool dress, and the Giulietta, which is a FIAT Bravo under the skin. The Giulietta which is fondly remembered by Alfistas is 50-60 years old, which was sometimes styled by external coachbuilders (Zagato/Bertone, i'm sure you know them). That was a thing of beauty.
Then there's the late 1970s one (which was made while Alfa was still partly owned by the government and not by FIAT like now), which is a 4dr sedan and has quite a lot of reliability issues. But at least it was RWD. And a proper 1970s/1980s Alfa, made by lazy workers. This one isn't liked by everybody, because of what i've written and also because of the boxy design (not everyone cup of tea: i, for instance, like it).

(I was going to post photos/links, i couldn't because of stupid Kinja)

sacco > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:00

(I was going to post photos/links, i couldn't because of stupid Kinja)

CarnivalofBowls > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:06

This just proves what everyone knew all along: The 164 is the last Alfa. After the 164, there are only impostors.

CarnivalofBowls > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:06

This just proves what Alfisti knew all along: The 164 is the last Alfa. After the 164, there are only impostors.

All Motor Is Best Motor > sacco
10/21/2013 at 14:07

Triple post, bravo!

50fridge > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:07

When I was looking at VW GTI's a few years ago I wished that Alfa Romeo offered the Giullietta in the US because of the styling and passion. Now I am happy I went with the GTI.

50fridge > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:07

When I was looking at VW GTI's a few years ago I wished that Alfa Romeo offered the Giullietta in the US because of the styling and passion. Now I am happy I went with the GTI.

terrunt > BJ
10/21/2013 at 14:09

Have you not seen where it is on a 156?

"Oh, you want to shift into first, allow me to turn the hazards on and twat your knuckles on the dash"

Good fun. :)

Mcan > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:10

Can you give the 4C a try? You'll see what real Alfa fans love

Mcan > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:10

Can you give the 4C a try? You'll see what real Alfa fans love

rodassecondo > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:11

I drove the diesel 1.6 a few but furious miles ( with big phone wheels ) and it was not a drivers car. The engine managment was weird, too laggy and then too abrupt like the early tdis. Like you maybe i was expecting too much.

I like the interior, though. Plastics but we dont need to have touch screen panels in everything, and somehow the red lighting made it diferent. Good enough low seats unlike the brera.

Mcan > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:11

Try the new 4C you'll see what real Alfa fans love about their cars.

When_in_doubt_throttle_out > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:13

Sweet Jeep.

When_in_doubt_throttle_out > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:13

Sweet Jeep.

Speedmonkey > sacco
10/21/2013 at 14:15

I've got so many Alfistis (Alfistas?) in my Twitter following I didn't give this a poor review lightly. To be honest I WANTED to like it, having heard so much about Alfa but it's simply a poor car. I suppose now it's on Jalopnik I'll never get a go in a 4C

Speedmonkey > sacco
10/21/2013 at 14:15

Speedmonkey > sacco
10/21/2013 at 14:16

sacco > All Motor Is Best Motor
10/21/2013 at 14:16

Kinja's fault. Everytime it told me to "try again". Anyway, i'm sorry and i probably deserve to be punished. :)

Speedmonkey > meccapanzer
10/21/2013 at 14:17

Yup

Speedmonkey > meccapanzer
10/21/2013 at 14:19

Yup

Speedmonkey > meccapanzer
10/21/2013 at 14:19

Yup

Speedmonkey > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
10/21/2013 at 14:20

Exquisitely put, sir

Speedmonkey > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
10/21/2013 at 14:21

Exquisitely put, sir

Speedmonkey > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
10/21/2013 at 14:22

Exquisitely put, sir

sacco > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:22

Don't worry, real Alfisti (that's the Italian plural of Alfista, probably i typed it wrong before) agree with you. And it's not about the Giulietta: it goes back to the late 1980s, when Alfa was bought by FIAT and lost its appeal, like Lancia (the Delta Integrale was its swan song, and even that was based on a modified FIAT Ritmo base).

I fully agree with you too, even if i'm not one (but i quite like Alfas, like every Italian petrolhead).

WhatDaFunk > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 14:36

Shame that such a beautiful looking car is so awful to drive. I suppose maybe we're actually lucky in the US, we get to see pictures and lust over them, the legend of Alfa continuing to grow in our minds, unsullied by any actual experiences with the cars.

Speedmonkey > Mcan
10/21/2013 at 14:38

I'd love to, but do you think Alfa would ever let me drive one after this review?

Makoyouidiot > CarnivalofBowls
10/21/2013 at 15:13

I want mine back...

pandesal > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 15:18

It's the mystique and nostalgia of the badge sometimes, not the car.

Slap a Subaru badge on it and people will say it's ugly but has character.

pandesal > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 15:18

It's the mystique and nostalgia of the badge sometimes, not the car.

Slap a Subaru badge on it and people will say it's ugly but has character.

pandesal > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 15:18

It's the mystique and nostalgia of the badge sometimes, not the car.

Slap a Subaru badge on it and people will say it's ugly but has character.

jrn > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 15:20

Speedmonkey you are dead wrong. Claiming the ride got worse in Dynamic shows you don't know what you are talking about. The DNA switch doesn't affect the ride. I'll just leave you with a review of a professional at Evo Magazine: http://bit.ly/aV1x6u

pandesal > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 15:21

It's the mystique and nostalgia of the badge sometimes, not the car.

Slap a Subaru badge on it and people will say it's ugly but has character.

wkiernan > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
10/21/2013 at 15:31

You can sometimes legally drive.

wkiernan > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
10/21/2013 at 15:31

You can sometimes legally drive.

Speedmonkey > jrn
10/21/2013 at 15:36

I just looked it up. A) You are right, I am wrong but Fifth Gear made the same mistake B) The ride is therefore shite whatever mode you are in C) Evo has to sell advertising space to stave off their inevitable demise, which is why they won't totally slate a brand like Alfa who help them stave off that demise. That's why I (and Jalopnik) will always give a totally honest review whilst a print mag won't. It's also why Harry's left

Jerk Dently > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 15:37

The Giulietta is a great looking car on the outside.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > wkiernan
10/21/2013 at 15:47

That was implied with the "can". You can take them up to highway speeds, but it is not advised. In fact, plan every trip in an alfa as if it will be one-way. Your car will still look exquisite even on the back of a tow truck.

jrn > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 16:00

You mean a totally honest review where you blindly copy what Fifth Gear said? Or one where you figure out for yourself that the ride is the same in both positions?

Mcan > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 16:05

You should have though that before you wrote this :)

Speedmonkey > jrn
10/21/2013 at 16:10

Oh FFS get real. I only found out Fifth Gear made the same mistake when I researched it AFTER you mentioned it. The Alfa press guy told me when I select D the car would "hunker down" which is why I made the mistake in the first place

Speedmonkey > Mcan
10/21/2013 at 16:14

Yes but then the review would lack credibility. You've got to take the rough with the smooth.

captain_spleen > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 16:44

" A slab of aluminium across the car should look fantastic but instead looks like it might be high grade plastic - yet it is aluminum."

If you could see the underside of the slab it probably says "BUD LIGHT"

TREE88 > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 18:17

I don't care, I'll have mine in red, please.

The engine can be modified, the suspension tweaked, and I have never had a car that has had any sort of info-tainment system.

Just look at the damn thing- beautiful. Seeing that in the driveway must be akin to watching Angelina Jolie get out of YOUR bed and make her way to the shower the morning after (sure, she has irritating qualities, and will likely leave you in the near future- But damn, what a sight.).

MJAB > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 18:42

"... The brake normally sits higher than the throttle so you can come off brake and straight onto throttle. ..."

Well on same level = less time to pass from throttle to brake = less time to action brake.

Things can be see at opposite. Not always the way You are acostumed to is the right one.

Giulietta spelling. What can I do if You only write in english, maybe to a Japonese, french, brazilian, italian, ... person it is difficult to make the spelling or your surname.

AmishRakeFighter > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 18:46

Reviewing the base model of car is misleading. I struggled to agree with almost all of the faults you found... Until I realized you didn't review the QV 1.75 Turbo Petrol version which IMHO is the best performance hatchback of any small 5 door car.

MJAB > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 18:53

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” (Albert Einstein)

Pandabelle > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 19:12

Why the heck are you reviewing the base model and not the QV?

Speedmonkey > Pandabelle
10/21/2013 at 19:27

It's what I was given. Other companies - Vauxhall, Jaguar, Renault, Bentley, Mercedes - give us small time guys with our own sites top line cars to drive. Alfa gives us the 1.4. It get's a shit review. Go figure

Dunnik > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 21:06

The first and only Alpha I've driven was a then-new Milano owned by a friend of my dad's.

I've driven dozens of types of cars since, but that Alpha still holds the record for Most Amount of WTFery While Operating a Motor Vehicle.

Remarkably-Average-Avalon > Speedmonkey
10/21/2013 at 21:33

$37k for a car that does 0-60 in 7.8 seconds? The Europeans can keep it.

ImOld > WhatDaFunk
10/22/2013 at 00:52

My opinion exactly. Their exterior is gorgeous, but sound like they're just a bag of hammers. Oh well, in the US we have no dilemma about buying one (until the so-far-as-reviewed "perfect" 4C Arrives).

pig0 > Speedmonkey
10/22/2013 at 05:26

Based on the comments, it looks like that you don't know how to review a car...

Pandabelle > Speedmonkey
10/22/2013 at 06:23

Crazy. It's almost as if they are courting bad publicity.

Presidente > terrunt
10/22/2013 at 06:28

I've owned two Alfa 156. I've driven them every day since 1998 and still do nowadays. Not once have I pressed the hazard lights by accident.

Presidente > 50fridge
10/22/2013 at 06:35

Don't be, this is one really biased bad review. Other reviews compare this car very closely to a Golf, with the advantage of being beautiful.

Presidente > Remarkably-Average-Avalon
10/22/2013 at 06:36

You can't compare US prices to EU prices. Europe pays a lot more taxes on the price.

dotter101 > sacco
10/22/2013 at 10:06

THere is hope, supposedly they are developing rear wheel drive cars in the midsize and fullsize class to compete with BMW and Merc. Ohh with engines from Maserati... one can only dream what could be

sacco > dotter101
10/22/2013 at 10:21

There is hope: there has been since 1986, when it was sold by the Italian Government to FIAT. But this hope never became reality. I fear the 4C won't be the rebirth everyone is looking for... Like the review in this article states, modern Alfa are overrated: they are bragging about the heritage of their ancestors, while being just rebadged FIAT. And you can't imagine, being Italian, how it hurts me admitting it. (Let's not talk about Lancia, which is in way worse condition)

DETROIT > WhatDaFunk
10/22/2013 at 11:36

I saw them testing in Detroit years back - they are so pretty in the flesh. I was so excited to test drive one when they finally came over. Then came the Dart.... at least it sounds like from this review I didn't miss too much but the body.

fcukyoukinja > Speedmonkey
10/22/2013 at 12:07

"The pedal arrangement is bizarre. The brake normally sits higher than the throttle so you can come off brake and straight onto throttle. In the Giulietta all the pedals are on the same level. "

Heel and toe, heel and toe, heel and toe... Google it before writing about cars. ;)

PhilipNotPhil > Speedmonkey
10/22/2013 at 13:49

It's a proper Alfa - except for the front wheel drive. My wife got a 1.4 multi-air 3 years ago, it was great for the first 6 months or so but then things started to rattle, break, fall off, clunk and bang. So yeah, it's a real Alfa, or maybe that should be "It's true to Alfa". She's getting a TT next month.

magman007 > Speedmonkey
10/22/2013 at 14:31

Now, I know relatively nothing about the brand, other than top gear swears to be a gear head you need to have owned an alfa. I always kinda understood that alfa's were so loved because they have always kinda been crap. Jokes about them rusting before you leave the parking lot, breaking down every chance, etc. I thought this was heralded as a testament to petrol headedness in being able to deal with these otherwise terrible flaws, all in the name of alfa, their beauty, and their quirkiness.

Tristan > meccapanzer
10/22/2013 at 16:17

They forgot it ever since they started rebadging FWD fiats and thinking that putting in fancy-looking chromed engines and leather with lots of quilts makes them special.

Take the 159's interior, it looks thoroughbred, seats look like something seriously special, all of it is very special, but the car is terrible and there is no room.

Tristan > Speedmonkey
10/22/2013 at 16:19

Yeah um, we've got the "beauty" covered with the Mazda3, which sports a nicer face that doesn't make it seem narrower.

And that handles.

And that has amazing new engines.

And that will not break.

And that has good interior materials.

And is overall an accomplished vehicle.

Its not the first time the Japanese take some Italian flair and make it work. See the interior of Fiat Bravo/a, and Nissan Almera mk2. Similar. I had more examples but I forgot 'em.